How to deal with disrespectful parents (and protect your peace)
It’s one of the hardest truths to face: sometimes, the people who are supposed to love us unconditionally—our parents—don’t treat us with the respect we deserve.
Maybe they dismiss your feelings, criticize your choices, or push past your boundaries without a second thought. Maybe they use guilt or control to get their way. Or maybe they simply talk to you in a way that leaves you feeling small, hurt, and unseen.
And you’re left wondering how to deal with disrespectful parents.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not imagining it—and you’re not overreacting. Disrespect from parents can be subtle or obvious, but its impact is always real. And no matter your age, you have the right to be treated with dignity.
We’ll talk about what “disrespectful” really means when it comes to parents, the most common signs to look out for, and—most importantly—how to respond in ways that protect your boundaries and your peace. Because even if you can’t change their behavior, you can change how much it affects you.
TL;DR: How to Deal with Disrespectful Parents
Disrespect from parents is real — It can be obvious (yelling, insults) or subtle (dismissing feelings, ignoring boundaries).
Signs to look for — Constant criticism, guilt-tripping, boundary violations, manipulation, favoritism, or treating you as a child even in adulthood.
Why it matters — Ongoing disrespect can lower self-esteem, increase anxiety, make it hard to trust others, and push you into over-functioning or burnout.
Steps to deal with disrespectful parents:
Get clear on your boundaries — Decide what’s okay and what’s not.
Communicate calmly — Use “I” statements to express needs without escalating conflict.
Limit exposure — Shorter visits, fewer calls, or neutral meeting spaces if needed.
Follow through — Enforce boundaries consistently with action, not just words.
Seek support — Friends, therapy, or support groups can help you process and stay strong.
For step parents — Toxic behaviors can include favoritism, undermining relationships, or belittling comments. Boundaries and allyship are key in blended families.
With toxic elderly parents — Balance compassion with self-protection. Define your caregiving limits, share responsibilities, and set conversational boundaries.
Bottom line — You have the right to be respected at any age. Setting boundaries isn’t about punishing your parents—it’s about protecting your self-worth and peace.
What does “disrespectful” mean when it comes to parents?
When most people think of “disrespecting parents,” they picture a child talking back or ignoring rules. But respect is a two-way street—and parents are not exempt from it.
Disrespect from parents happens when they consistently treat you in ways that undermine your dignity, boundaries, or sense of self. It can be obvious, like yelling or name-calling. Or it can be subtle, like dismissing your feelings, making backhanded comments, or ignoring your decisions as an adult.
Some examples of disrespectful parents include:
Talking over you or interrupting when you speak
Making jokes at your expense
Criticizing your lifestyle, relationships, or appearance
Ignoring requests for privacy or personal space
Using guilt or manipulation to get their way
This kind of behavior doesn’t have to be constant to be harmful. Even occasional disrespect can erode trust and strain the relationship—especially if it’s minimized or brushed off when you bring it up.
Recognizing these patterns isn’t about blaming your parents for every mistake. It’s about naming the behavior so you can decide what to do about it—and protect yourself from ongoing harm.
Common signs of disrespectful parents
When your parents shout at you or insult you, that’s disrespectful. But it’s not always just shouting or insulting. Sometimes, disrespect is woven into everyday interactions—and because you’ve been conditioned to accept that behaviour from your parents as “normal,” you may not always notice them.
Here are some of the most common signs of disrespectful parents:
Dismissing your feelings or experiences
They downplay your emotions, invalidate your struggles, or ignore important parts of your life because they don’t align with their expectations.
Ever heard things like “You’re overreacting!” or “You don’t know what real hard work is!” or “You’re making a big deal out of nothing!”? Statements like these can make you feel dismissed, unheard, and unseen.
Criticizing instead of supporting
Feedback turns into constant fault-finding. They compare you to other people, highlight your mistakes, or make “jokes” that cut too deep. You may even find yourself starting to hate the people you’re being compared to. You may wonder: “Whatever did I do to deserve this?”
I would always be dumbfounded when this happened to me. Sure, cousin Rachel was a great person, I never disagreed with that. But what did her winning the mathematical olympiad have to do with me?
Ignoring boundaries
They enter your room or home without asking, share personal information about you without permission, or push into areas of your life you’ve asked to keep private.
This one is tough. Growing up, I never remembered my parents knocking on my bedroom door (I shared a room with my sibling because you know—immigrant families) before coming in. If they opened the door, they opened the door. If they wanted to come in, they came in. But this creates a situation where you’re always worried about someone barging into the room unannounced.
Controlling or manipulative behavior
They use guilt, fear, or financial leverage to influence your choices—whether about your career, relationships, or lifestyle.
Saying things like “If you cared for my feelings, you wouldn’t do _____.” or “If you wanted to be a good child, you would ______.” may make you feel guilty if you wanted to not do that thing your parent or step-parent wants you to do.
Playing favorites or scapegoating
In families with multiple children, they openly favor one sibling over another or repeatedly cast you as the “problem” in family conflicts.
This can make you feel “less than” the other sibling. You may feel that nothing you do is ever good enough, especially when compared to that other sibling.
Not every disagreement with your parents is disrespect. But if these patterns show up regularly—and especially if they leave you feeling small, powerless, or unsafe—they’re worth paying attention to.
The impact of disrespect on your mental and emotional health
When disrespect from parents becomes a pattern, it can shape the way you see yourself, your relationships, and even your place in the world. Over time, you end up carrying an unexplainable weight on your shoulders.
Low self-esteem
When the people who raised you repeatedly criticize or dismiss you, it can plant seeds of self-doubt within you. You may start questioning your worth or abilities, even in situations far removed from your family. You may end up thinking: “Maybe I really am that useless! I’m just a disappointment.”
Anxiety and hypervigilance
If you’ve learned to anticipate criticism or conflict, you might feel constantly on edge—waiting for the next negative comment or tense interaction. This can spill over into friendships, work, and romantic relationships.
This one hits hard for me. I’ve always felt the need to be overprepared for everything—I’m always trying to guess what other people are going to think, say, or do. But this is no way to live. It’s impossible to live in the moment and appreciate life for what it is if you’re constantly worrying about everything that could possibly go wrong.
Difficulty trusting others or asserting yourself
Growing up with parents who disrespect your boundaries can make it harder to set and maintain them with others. You might struggle to say no, advocate for yourself, or believe that your needs matter. This could easily bleed into becoming a chronic people-pleaser, where you’re always putting others’ needs ahead of your own. I know this situation all too well myself.
Over-functioning to “earn” respect
Some people respond to disrespect by working harder, achieving more, or taking on extra responsibility—hoping it will finally win their parents’ approval. But this often leads to burnout and resentment. Sometimes, getting their approval seems impossible.
One thing you have to remember: their inability to treat you with respect says more about them than it does about your worth. You have the right to protect yourself.
How to deal with disrespectful parents
You can’t always control how your parents behave—but you can control how you respond, how much access they have to you, and how you protect your peace. And in case your step-parent or parent make you feel like you are punishing them—you are not. All you’re doing is protecting your mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Step 1: Get clear on your boundaries
Before you can enforce boundaries, you need to know what they are. These boundaries may look slightly different for each person.
Ask yourself:
What behaviors cross the line for me?
What do I need to feel safe and respected in this relationship?
Write these down so you have clarity before any difficult conversations.
Step 2: Communicate clearly and calmly
When you bring up disrespect, use “I” statements to focus on your feelings and needs rather than accusing or blaming. While this may not guarantee that your disrespectful parents (or step-parent) will accept what you’re saying, it could help you focus on communicating what you’re feeling.
For example, you could say: “When you dismiss my decisions, I feel hurt and unsupported. I need you to respect my choices, even if you disagree.”
Step 3: Limit your exposure when necessary
If certain situations or conversations always lead to conflict, reduce your time in them. This might mean shorter visits, fewer phone calls, or meeting in neutral spaces. I understand that this may be easier said than done. After all, in immigrant families like mine, you could get guilt-tripped into feeling like you’re not spending enough time with your family, or that you’re not caring enough about your disrespectful parents.
But it’s important to notice the patterns or situations that tend to cause conflict. Instead of trying to change your parents’ mind about something they’re dead-set on, try creating a time-based boundary instead—by limiting the time you spend in these conflict-creating situations or conversations.
For example, if you notice the conversation veering into “conflict zone,” you could say something like: “That is an interesting point. But I should get back to cleaning my kitchen as I have guests coming over soon. I will get back to you when I can.” Remember, it may seem like you’re avoiding the conversation or situation—but you’re actually creating a healthy boundary and protecting yourself.
Step 4: Enforce consequences consistently
Boundaries without follow-through are just suggestions. If they ignore a boundary, calmly remind them—and then take the action you said you would. For example, if they start criticizing you after you’ve asked them to stop, end the conversation. Continuing the conversation may signal to your disrespectful parents that they can continue their behaviour.
Step 5: Get outside support
Dealing with disrespectful parents can be draining. Friends, a therapist, or support groups can help you process your feelings and remind you that you’re not alone in this. It’s important to find community with people who may have had similar experiences as you. If this is challenging, try looking for support groups—online or in-person to help you feel less alone—and more supported.
Special considerations for step parents
Navigating disrespect from a step parent can be uniquely complicated. You’re dealing with family dynamics that may still be settling, loyalties that feel divided, and relationships that didn’t have the benefit of growing together from the start.
Understanding toxic step parent behavior
Disrespect from a step parent can sometimes show up in ways that feel subtle but cut deeply over time. It might look like:
Undermining your relationship with your biological parent by speaking poorly about you or your choices
Playing favorites between you and their biological children
Dismissing your feelings about changes in the family dynamic
Using sarcasm or “jokes” as a cover for criticism
When this happens, it can feel like you’re being treated as an outsider in your own home. And because step parents often come into your life later, you may feel like you can’t call out their behavior without being labeled as “difficult” or “ungrateful.”
Again, recognizing these patterns is about protecting your sense of worth and making sure you have the emotional space to feel safe in your own family.
Navigating boundaries in blended families
Boundaries with a step parent can be even trickier because you might feel pressure to keep the peace for the sake of your biological parent or other siblings. If you’re worried that your efforts to create boundaries may make your step-parent feel like you’re intentionally creating conflict, news flash: You’re not! All you’re doing is building a healthier way of relating.
Practical steps for how to deal with a disrespectful step-parent could include:
Clarifying roles and expectations early: Have open conversations (with your biological parent present, if needed) about what respect looks like to you, and how you’d like to be spoken to and treated.
Avoiding “ambush” conversations: If you need to address disrespect, choose a neutral time and place, rather than reacting in the heat of the moment.
Seeking an ally: Whether it’s your biological parent, a sibling, or another trusted family member, having someone on your side can help reinforce that your concerns are valid.
Remember: it’s not your job to “win over” a step-parent who chooses to be disrespectful. Your job is to protect your emotional well-being and maintain your self-respect.
How to deal with toxic elderly parents
When parents get older, the dynamic often shifts. You might find yourself taking on the role of caregiver, decision-maker, or emotional support system. But if your parents have a history of being toxic or disrespectful, stepping into this role can stir up a storm of old wounds—especially if their behavior hasn’t changed.
The challenge here is the fine act of balancing compassion with self-protection. You can acknowledge their needs without abandoning your own.
Recognize what’s really going on
Aging can bring big life changes—declining health, loss of independence, grief over friends passing away—and these can trigger fear, frustration, or a need for control. Unfortunately, some parents channel these feelings into behavior that’s critical, manipulative, or dismissive toward their adult children.
This doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it can help you understand why it might be happening—and why setting boundaries is still essential.
Practical strategies to protect your peace
Define what you will and won’t take on: If you’re helping with appointments, finances, or care, decide in advance how much time and energy you can realistically give. For example: “I can help with your grocery shopping once a week, but I can’t be on call every day.”
Share the responsibility: If you have siblings or extended family, divide caregiving tasks so you’re not carrying it alone. If you don’t have that option, explore outside help such as home care services, respite programs, or community volunteers.
Set boundaries around toxic conversations: If visits often turn into criticism or guilt trips, keep the focus on practical matters and politely redirect when needed. You might say, “I’m not comfortable discussing that. Let’s focus on the doctor’s instructions for next week.”
Give yourself permission to step back: If you feel guilty for taking space from an elderly parent because you feel like you’re abandoning them—you’re not. Trust me, I know how heavy this guilt can feel. Remember that all you’re doing is self-preservation.
And yes—these strategies are all incredibly hard, especially when it comes to dealing with disrespectful parents who happen to be elderly. Remind yourself that you can care about them without sacrificing your health or peace of mind.
Let go of the idea that caregiving means accepting bad treatment
One of the most damaging myths is that being a “good” son or daughter means tolerating anything for the sake of family duty. In reality, showing up for your parents in a way that’s sustainable—and protects your mental health—is a much more loving and respectful choice than burning yourself out to keep the peace.
You have the right to be respected—no matter your age
Many of us in immigrant families (like my Asian one) grow up believing (and were taught) that respect is something we owe our parents unconditionally—but that it’s optional for them to return. This belief can keep us trapped in painful dynamics, silently enduring criticism, control, or emotional manipulation because “that’s just how family is.”
But respect is simply a basic human right, not a privilege you have to earn. It doesn’t vanish just because you’re their child, and it doesn’t expire when you reach adulthood.
Setting boundaries, limiting contact, or changing how you respond to disrespect is about protecting your self-worth and creating a healthier space for yourself. You can still love your parents and honor the role they’ve played in your life while refusing to accept behavior that harms you.
If your relationship with your parents feels heavy, and you’re wondering how to deal with disrespectful parents, take it one step at a time. Start with one small boundary, one moment of self-advocacy, or one conversation where you speak your truth. Over time, those moments add up—and they send a powerful message, both to your parents and to yourself:
I am worthy of respect. Always.
Frequently asked questions about how to deal with disrespectful parents
What is considered disrespecting parents?
When it comes to parents, disrespect can take many forms—both obvious and subtle. It might mean ignoring your boundaries, belittling your feelings, speaking to you in a condescending tone, or making decisions for you without your consent. It can also include manipulation, guilt-tripping, or using hurtful language. Disrespect is any behavior that undermines your dignity, regardless of whether it’s intentional or not.
How to cope with toxic parents?
Coping with toxic parents starts with recognizing that their behavior is about them—not your worth. Focus on setting clear boundaries, limiting your exposure to harmful interactions, and seeking outside support from friends, therapists, or support groups. If direct communication isn’t safe or effective, you can create emotional distance by keeping conversations brief, redirecting topics, or sticking to neutral subjects. Above all, prioritize your mental and emotional well-being.
What is a toxic step parent behavior?
Toxic step parent behavior can include undermining your relationship with your biological parent, showing favoritism toward their own children, making critical or belittling comments, or refusing to respect your boundaries. It can also involve trying to control your choices, disregarding your feelings, or creating unnecessary conflict in the family. In healthy blended families, respect is mutual—if that’s not happening, it’s important to speak up and protect your emotional safety.